A Stoic, PMA, and Psychology Journey

In my understanding, I picture “Life” as a masterpiece painted with strokes of joy and splashes of sorrow. It is painted with chaos, pain, grief, sadness, happiness, and growth, among many others. Amid its chaos and beauty, we often stumble upon moments of deep frustration—missed opportunities, lack of purpose, lack of discipline, strained relationships, dreams deferred. But what if frustration wasn’t the end of the road but a bridge to something greater? What if it could be the catalyst that transforms our struggles into strengths and turns frustration into fascination?

Frustration often compels us to confront our limitations and examine the barriers that hold us back, particularly if we pay attention and remain open to understanding this mental growth. This process prompts introspection and self-discovery. As we delve deeper into the roots of our frustration, we uncover hidden passions and untapped growth potential. These passions propel us to evolve and improve.

It is like uncovering a diamond in the rough – the frustration is the outer layer that must be removed to reveal the shining gem beneath.

Drawing from my personal experiences, timeless Stoicism readings, the invigorating energy of Positive Mental Attitude (PMA), and profound insights from psychology and neurology, I invite you to embark on a journey. Together, we’ll discover how everyone— from children, adolescents, adults, women, and men—can embrace life’s challenges with curiosity and resilience.

The Early Struggles and Seeds of Transformation

I, Jay Pacheco, grappled with life’s complexities from a young age. Like many others, I faced frustrations stemming from unmet expectations and a yearning for purpose. It wasn’t until I reached adulthood that I began to understand that struggles are a natural part of growth—something we often fail to recognize. About five years ago, I encountered the wisdom of the Stoic philosopher Epictetus, who famously stated, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” This insight marked a significant shift within me, becoming the foundation of my journey to transform frustration into fascination.

I have begun to understand myself and others better through further self-study and by integrating Stoicism, a positive mental attitude (PMA), psychology, and various tools such as the Facial Action Coding System (FACS). FACS is a comprehensive, anatomically based system that describes all visually discernible facial movements, breaking down facial expressions into individual components of muscle movement known as Action Units (AUs). This system is applied in many personal and professional settings. Ultimately, we are all part of the cosmos, sharing life with everything in the universe, and our minds reflect our unique universes.

During recent years, I have found that these transformations of frustration into fascination aren’t new, and more or less most of us use it without even knowing, or I would say, some do it consciously and most unconsciously; then, I realized that frustration often sprouts from a sense of lost control or fear of the unknown—fascination, on the other hand, blossoms from curiosity and willingness to learn. The bridge between these two states lies within our attitude and mindset. To truly understand this transformation, I knew I had to live it—embracing each obstacle as an opportunity for growth.

Embracing Wisdom Through Experience

I delved deeper into Stoicism and Positive Mental Attitude (PMA), exploring the intricate workings of the human mind. Neurology revealed the fascinating world of neurons, dendrites, and synapses, which are the pathways that shape our thoughts and behaviors. Understanding neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to reorganize itself—reinforced my belief that we can reshape our responses to life’s challenges.

I began understanding that our past experiences and environment influence our thoughts and behaviors. I realized that consistently practicing Stoicism and Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) could create positive changes in my brain that would manifest in my behavior.

This understanding of neuroplasticity emphasizes our potential for personal growth and transformation. By consciously engaging in positive thinking and adopting constructive habits, we can rewire our brains to foster resilience and adaptability. Embracing this concept empowers us to shape our destinies and actively overcome obstacles with newfound strength.

However, theory alone wasn’t sufficient. Life presented challenges that tested my newfound perspectives. Each setback became a lesson, and each frustration was a stepping stone toward a more resilient self.

A Life-Altering Event: The Car Accident

In October 2024, my resilience faced one of its most significant tests yet. A car accident caused by another driver’s failure to yield left me severely injured and teetering on the edge of life. This harrowing experience shook me to my core. Amidst the pain and uncertainty, I struggled with intense headaches and physical limitations.

The incident forced me to reevaluate my priorities and appreciate the fragility of life. I began to value each moment, cherishing the small joys and connections with loved ones that I had once taken for granted. This newfound perspective taught me to focus on what truly matters and to embrace a more mindful and purposeful way of living.

Rather than succumbing to despair, I viewed this trial as a profound teacher. The accident made me realize that life can change instantly and that gratitude is far more potent than lamentation. I accepted that everything could end in a second; thus, every moment became precious.

Jim Rohn’s Four “IFs”: A Compass for Recovery

As I continue my recovery, I also have turned to Jim Rohn’s teachings, a beacon of personal development. Listening to his audiobooks, I discovered his four “IFs”—a roadmap for navigating life’s complexities. I decided to apply them to my journey:

1. Life is worthwhile if you learn.

• Learning transforms frustration into a classroom where every experience enriches us. Despite the intense headaches, I continued to train slowly and read, refusing to let pain halt my growth.

2. Life is worthwhile if you try.

• Attempting new things and persevering through failures fuels a fascination with our potential. Writing became my solace. Waking up each day and striving for happiness, even amid pain, proved worthwhile.

3. Life is worthwhile if you stay.

• Patience turns setbacks into stepping stones, revealing hidden paths forward. Though eager to return to my everyday work, I learned to be patient, allowing my body and mind the time needed to heal.

4. Life is worthwhile if you care.

• Caring deeply ignites a profound sense of wonder, connecting us more intimately with ourselves and the universe. Caring for myself enabled me to better care for others. I stayed connected with my community at work, bringing flowers and sharing moments, even when it was challenging.

 

Sharing Principles Across Life’s Stages

Working with children, adolescents, adults, and older adults in mental healthcare settings, including nursing homes, has provided me with invaluable experiences. I have made observations through the lenses of psychology, stoicism, a positive mental attitude (PMA), neurology, FACS, and various classification systems such as the ICD-10 and DSM-5-TR.

Throughout my work, I have noticed that individuals of all ages often feel frustrated when they struggle to understand, manage, or master a task. This frustration can lead to feelings of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. Therefore, it’s essential to offer support and guidance to help them cope with these challenges and to nurture their resilience.

Children: Embracing Learning Wonder

Children often feel frustrated when they can’t master a new skill or aren’t immediately understood. By reframing frustration as an exciting opportunity to explore, we ignite their innate curiosity.

Curiosity encourages children to ask questions and seek answers, deepening their understanding of new concepts. It motivates them to engage more actively in their learning environment, leading to more meaningful and memorable experiences. Additionally, a curious mindset fosters resilience as children become more willing to embrace challenges and learn from mistakes.

Note: Children on the spectrum include autism, ADHD, Aspergers (taken away from diagnostic manuals, though my understanding says there are Aspergers—Elon Musk and Bill Gates, to name two), Dyslexia, and others. These children and adults need to be understood differently, and my book, PMA Science of Psychology, can be a resourceful tool for understanding neurodiversity. 

• Example: When a child struggles with tying their shoes, encourage them by saying, “Isn’t it amazing how these laces can loop and knot? Let’s figure it out together!”

• PMA Skill: Celebrate small victories to build confidence and maintain enthusiasm.

• Psychology Insight: Dr. Carol Dweck’s research on the growth mindset shows that viewing challenges as opportunities fosters resilience and a lifelong love of learning.

Adolescents: Discovering Strength in Struggle

Teenagers grapple with identity and peer pressure, which can lead to frustration. Helping them see these challenges as tools for self-discovery can shift their perspective.

Teens should be encouraged to explore their identity (note, not the Gender Dysphoria identity, but the identity of their genes and core soul) rather than trying to fit into a mold. They should be encouraged to express their thoughts and feelings and to find a healthy balance between their values and the expectations of others.

Gender dysphoria is a psychological condition in which an individual feels significant distress or discomfort because their gender identity does not align with the sex they were assigned at birth. This mismatch can result in feelings of anxiety and depression, along with a strong desire to live as a gender different from the one assigned. Gender dysphoria is recognized in both medical and psychological contexts, and treatments often include therapy, hormone therapy, and, in some cases, surgical interventions, depending on the individual’s needs and goals.

Many researchers, professionals, and governments must fully understand the cosmic laws governing human existence. As a result, they often categorize unusual cases, such as gender dysphoria, inappropriately. Therefore, this topic should be cautiously approached and framed within an esoteric context encompassing cosmic knowledge and scientific understanding.

• Example: Share the metaphor of the butterfly: “Just as a caterpillar struggles in the cocoon to become a butterfly, your challenges are helping you grow wings.”

• Stoic Tool: Introduce Marcus Aurelius’ wisdom: “The obstacle is the way.”

 

• PMA Skill: Encourage journaling to transform confusion into clarity.

• Psychology Insight: Dr. Paul Ekman’s work suggests that understanding and labeling emotions is the first step toward managing them effectively.

Adults: Rekindling Passion and Purpose

Adults often experience frustration from unfulfilled ambitions or daily stresses. Viewing these moments as catalysts for growth can reignite your fascination with life.

Taking a step back and looking for the lesson or opportunity in the situation can help refocus and recharge. Taking it as an opportunity to learn something new or grow can create a sense of empowerment and motivation.

• Example: If you’re stuck in your career, ask yourself, “What new paths could this frustration point me toward? What passions have I yet to explore?”

• Stoic Practice: Employ Seneca’s exercise of envisioning the worst-case scenario to diminish fear and open up possibilities.

• PMA Skill: Adopt affirmations like, “I am evolving every day, and new opportunities await me.”

 

• Psychology Insight: In Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl emphasizes finding purpose even amidst suffering as a source of fulfillment.

Women and Men: Harmonizing Roles and Aspirations

Balancing multiple roles can lead to frustration when expectations clash with reality. Reframing challenges as opportunities allows both women and men to find harmony.

Focusing on the present and setting realistic goals can help ease the pressures of juggling different roles and responsibilities. Taking time for self-care and setting boundaries can help to reduce stress and create a healthier work-life balance.

• Example: A working parent might think, “This is my chance to teach my children resilience and the value of perseverance.”

• Stoic Tool: Practice amor fati—the love of one’s fate—embracing life as it is.

• PMA Skill: Break down overwhelming tasks into manageable steps, celebrating progress.

• Psychology Insight: Mindfulness practices have been shown to reduce stress and enhance appreciation for the present moment.

Turning Water into Wine: Transformation Metaphors

Consider the story of Jesus turning water into wine at the wedding in Cana. Faced with the potential embarrassment of a wine shortage, he transformed an ordinary element into something extraordinary. This act symbolizes how we can turn our “water”—our frustrations—into “wine,” rich with new possibilities through faith and gratitude.

This is like a painter who turns a blank canvas into a work of art, transforming the ordinary into something extraordinary.

Being “moved” by life’s trials is like a river carving through rock; over time, even the most challenging obstacles can be shaped into something beautiful. Nature offers countless examples of transformation, reminding us that adversity can polish us into our brightest selves.

Practical Disciplines for Transformation

1. Stoicism:

• Begin each day with the Dichotomy of Control, focusing only on what you can change within yourself.
• Exercise: Spend five minutes each morning reflecting on what’s within your control.

2. Positive Mental Attitude:

• End each day with a gratitude journal, noting three things that inspired or fascinated you.
• Exercise: Write down moments that sparked joy or curiosity before bed.

3. Psychology:

• Utilize deep breathing techniques to regulate emotions and shift from frustration to curiosity.
• Exercise: Practice the 4-7-8 breathing method to calm the mind.

Note: Consistently showing gratitude can significantly boost your transformation, too! 

• Meditation: Practice meditation to help reduce stress and find clarity.
• Journaling: Write in a journal about what you are grateful for and how it makes you feel.
• Positive self-talk: Speak kindly to yourself and give yourself the encouragement and support you need.

Alchemizing Pain into Purpose

My recovery journey has not been easy, but it has been transformative. The accident I experienced became the catalyst for writing my latest book, “The Magic of Gratitude: Memoir of a True Story,” which was published in November 2024 and is available on Amazon, Kobo Books, Apple Books, and pmascience.com. Now, in December 2024, I’m excited to share this blog with you.

No matter the difficulty of your situation, there is always a path forward. Embracing gratitude and finding purpose in your struggles can lead to remarkable personal growth and healing. Remember, you are not alone, and your journey can inspire others, just as mine has.

By embracing Stoic principles, cultivating a Positive Mental Attitude (PMA), and applying psychological insights, I learned that life’s greatest frustrations can become its most outstanding teachers. As Jim Rohn reminds us, “If you care enough, you get enough.” Caring deeply for yourself, your community and the world opens the door to finding fascination where frustration once stood.

Step-by-Step Guide to Cultivating Fascination

Combining Stoicism, Positive Mental Attitude (PMA), and Psychology for Enhanced Mental Health

Step 1: Acknowledge the Storm

Frustration is an emotional response to something we can’t understand or control. Recognize it without judgment.

• Illustration: Think of frustration as a yellow traffic light urging you to slow down and assess the situation.

• Stoic Insight: Epictetus taught that emotions are signals to examine our thoughts.

• PMA Practice: Affirm, “This feeling guides me to something important.”

• Psychology Tip: Labeling emotions reduces their intensity, activating rational thinking.

Step 2: Reframe the Challenge

Ask, “What can I learn from this?” See frustration as a teacher, not a tormentor.

• Example: If a project at work hits a snag, consider, “This is an opportunity to innovate and improve our process.”

• Stoic Skill: Embrace the idea that “The obstacle is the way.”

• PMA Discipline: Replace “I can’t” with “How can I?”

• Psychology Insight: Reframing negative thoughts builds resilience.

Step 3: Cultivate Curiosity

Shift from frustration to fascination by becoming curious about the situation.

• Illustration: View the challenge as a puzzle waiting to be solved, each piece a clue to a larger picture.

• Example: If technology fails you, think, “What new skills can I learn to overcome this?”

• Stoic Exercise: Practice amor fati—love your fate.

• PMA Technique: Repeat, “Every challenge is a chance to grow.”

• Psychology Insight: A curious mindset promotes learning and reduces stress.

Step 4: Practice Immediate Gratitude

Turn your focus to what you appreciate in the moment.

• Example: Stuck waiting? Appreciate the time to breathe and relax.

• Stoic Reflection: Ground yourself in the present; suffer less in imagination.

• PMA Tool: Keep a gratitude list handy to remind yourself of life’s positives.

• Psychology Insight: Gratitude practices improve well-being and reduce stress.

Step 5: Take Purposeful Action

Channel your energy into constructive steps.

• Example: Feeling unfulfilled? Volunteer or start a new hobby that excites you.

• Stoic Action: Control what you can; accept what you cannot.

• PMA Strategy: Set achievable goals and take daily steps toward them.

• Psychology Insight: Small actions can lead to significant mood improvements.

Step 6: Reflect and Celebrate Progress

Acknowledge your growth and successes.

• Illustration: Like climbing a mountain, each step upward deserves recognition.

• Example: Treat yourself to something enjoyable after handling a challenging situation.

• Stoic Practice: Daily reflection enhances self-awareness.

• PMA Habit: Celebrate wins, no matter how small.

• Psychology Insight: Positive reinforcement strengthens new, healthy habits.

Embracing The Journey Ahead

Frustration may knock at our door, but fascination can become our constant companion. By following these steps, you’ll find that every storm can reveal a rainbow, every challenge, and every opportunity.

During challenging times, it’s essential to maintain a positive outlook and focus on what you can control. Ask for help; even your enemies can lend a helping hand. Ask or call other supportive people who encourage your growth and resilience. Additionally, remember to take care of your physical and mental health by exercising regularly, even with the pain you can bear, practicing mindfulness, and ensuring sufficient rest.

With all its trials, life holds endless fascination when approached with the right mindset. Even through the pain of my car accident, I found purpose and inspiration, culminating in my book and this blog. May my journey inspire you to transform your frustrations into a source of endless fascination.

Cheers,
Jay Pacheco